One of the big components of relational alignment is transparency...
The problem with transparency is that it takes risk. Risk is something that as a rule we try to minimize in our lives. Even those who like risk in certain areas of their life whether that be investing or amusement parks, still try to minimize the pain that risk in relationship causes.
We try this in several ways... when someone shares a transparent or risky piece of themselves with us, we tend to either try to "fix" it or "rescue" them. When we try to take risk in relationship we often feel minimized or mistreated. either way, we don't desire to go back there again. It is awkward and difficult. But when it is dealt with well, it is one of the most powerful things that there is to experience.
In Matthew 5, Jesus gives us 9 statements that turn the world upside down. the second of those is "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." I want to talk about this word comfort... it is the future tense of the word "paraklete" which is a compound word meaning to call alongside. Jesus is conveying the idea that when we mourn, we do not have to do it alone. because God will provide the Holy Spirit and others who will journey along side us through it. Comfort does not mean that we can fix or rescue. We cannot take another's pain; or even make it less for that matter. But we can walk with them through it.
The only thing is, we have to know where each other's hurts are. that takes risk. So comfort comes from risk. Comfort comes from transparency. And often the most risk finds the most comfort. So may you be pushed to take risk... and may you find the comfort that your soul desperately needs.
So true. I find myself putting on the happy face, trying to be the "perfect" wife and mom, the "perfect" employee, but letting that guard down can be so freeing and comforting -- especially when you are still loved and accepted by those that you are transparent with. It actually brings you closer.
ReplyDeleteI know this is a reminder I needed. It's okay to not have it all together and to need support. I often forget that. And it is also okay to just listen, love, and support those who are being transparent with me (I'm a "fixer").
This is an interesting and yet frustrating topic for me. In my line of work I am called to both fix and rescue. I'm expected to have an answer for every problem presented and I am expected to solve them quickly. It's what I do, it's what I train for. It is very difficult to separate how I do my job with how I interact with others on a personal level mainly because they both involve relationship. But reading this post brought me a new perspective. Although I am being called to "fix" and "rescue", if I look at it in terms of "walking through", not only will I be able to improve both work and personal relationships, I may actually do a better job "fixing" the problem because the effects will be long lasting instead of spanning the moment.
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ReplyDeleteSaw this today and thought it really relates to this post: Whenever we share the deep things that burden our hearts — or allow others to share (and don't volunteer advice or try to fix anything) — we find God’s rest through each other.
ReplyDelete“Yes, brother, let me benefit from you in the Lord; refresh my heart in Christ.”
~ Paul, Philemon 1:20
Thanks for both of your input... these are great thoughts... I am currently working on a new blog post on the nature of fixing and rescuing and where it comes from. I, too, am a fixer and in my job people look to me to fix or to rescue. But only Jesus does either of those things. My job is to walk alongside. So hard, but so powerful.
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