So, upon reflection, yesterday wasn't my best sermon. And to confirm that were 3 emails and 2 face to face conversations where people let me know that it was not my best sermon. It is always nice to come home and sit with that reality (yes that was sarcasm).
I didn't communicate clearly. Maybe I wasn't prepared enough or maybe my mind wasn't in the right place. Maybe I didn't pray enough… I don't know. What I know is - it wasn't my best sermon, and people made sure to let me know.
Here is the funny thing… there is a shift in me that I have never experienced before.
Any preacher will tell you that the absolute worst day of the week is Monday. For me, I feel like I have been drug through a knot hole. And if for some reason I miss getting a nap on Sunday afternoon, well, let's just say that staff meeting the next morning isn't pleasant for anyone.
I have heard many a preacher say that they write their resignation letter every Monday. Or at least that they pull it out and dust it off.
Sundays are hard days in general. I had this conversation with my kids yesterday on the way home. Whoever penned the song lyrics "Easy like a Sunday morning" was NOT in the ministry!
It is extra hard when I feel like I have freshly poured out my heart, and I get an immediate negative response. How does one recover from that? When I preach, it isn't as if I am just throwing out random thoughts about life. I always try to talk about how the passage has sifted my own soul. This is not just a text conversation. It is a piece of me - every week. I believe that I bring glory to God by doing this.
So when 3 emails and 2 conversations tell me that piece of my soul wasn't as good as it should have been, it isn't about critiquing words. It is a critique of my soul. And that hurts.
So Monday is resignation day, as a rule. And while I don't think that any of these preachers actually follow through with resigning, I can see why they want to.
And now to the shift in me…
Normally, I would want to be done as well. Normally, I would want to hold back the next time. Normally, I would be less willing to risk the vulnerable parts of my journey with God.
If they didn't handle that stuff well, then I am sure not going to share "this" piece of me…
This morning I woke up with something bouncing around my head. This notion that perhaps the critique isn't about the sermon and the sermon isn't about my power of speech. And my power of speech isn't about dazzling people to God.
Maybe, God uses these moments in me so that He can refine me to deeper and more profound places of my soul. And maybe people will be able to handle that and maybe people won't be able to handle that, I don't know, but it forces me to face down why I preach at all.
And it forces you to face down why you do what you do as well.
Is the response of people evidence of God's blessing? Or is the response of people God's refining work in me?
Do I only give the deep parts of God's work in me those I can trust, or is God's work in me the message that I give to the world regardless of how they respond?
Do I trust that God can and will accomplish His work? Does He need me to preach at all? Or is it a privilege to tell the world about an agenda for this world that is better and more fulfilling than anything the world has ever known?
Maybe I would add one more to the list of Beatitudes in Matthew 5.
Blessed are the men and women who sit down in the empty, hurtful, lonely mess of resignation day. For they will be refined.
Happy Resignation Day!!!
As we move into Thanksgiving, I am thankful for this day.
Aaron, it breaks my heart to read that you are hurt. When my family moved to WA it was no accident that Real Life was the first church we tried. Just as my marriage was crumbling, God united us with you and Charlie and salvaged it. There is no doubt in my mind that every word you speak has been influenced by God. I know that he is with you and that he speaks through you. Your family will always be a part of my testimony. God has used your family to bless mine in a very powerful way. I am glad that you are able to put on the Armor of the Spirit and quench those fiery darts. I pray for you today that you will continue to proclaim his messages boldly and with confidence. We got your back and we love you Aaron! I hope you have a BLESSED MONDAY!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your encouragement. I really am okay. Mondays feel this way on my best days. I just want to make sure that I am being open to whatever God wants to do in my heart, not just being defensive because sometimes it smarts.
DeleteAlso-- check this out! I found this video last week and can not stop thinking about it! It is a series of people proclaiming their testimonies that they either went to Heaven or Hell and came back! It really has affected how I approach every minute of every day. It's amazing how a glimpse of Heaven or Hell can put everything into perspective. What a blessing it would be to have this experience and come back to tell the world about it!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNqXQ91GIpM
"Do I only give the deep parts of God's work in me those I can trust, or is God's work in me the message that I give to the world regardless of how they respond?
ReplyDelete...Or is it a privilege to tell the world about an agenda for this world that is better and more fulfilling than anything the world has ever known?"
These are such great questions. These aren't just pastor's questions, these are human questions.
In my heart, I think both of these reveal a paradox. God's design in you is both a privilege AND a need. We can't ignore the value of what we have to offer as image-bearers of God, fearfully designed, perfectly crafted. We also can't treat the self we are as more valuable than all the other selves God created.
I think the paradox reveals exactly what you came to, that perhaps it's not about perceived impact. Maybe instances of that impact are another gift of God to validate our design, but not the point of our design. Our lives are both an opportunity to be refined, as well as an opportunity to serve others.
And we can fulfill both at the same time....this is what makes God's life abundant! It is also what makes evil to overwhelming sometimes. It breaks both down. But even then, God has given us the ability to totally and fundamentally dismiss those circumstances.
Choose Life! Deut. 30.19
Thanks for those words. I agree with the idea of paradox. there is a lot of truth in that… temporary vs. eternal, and both at the sometime… that is a helpful perspective.
DeleteAnd He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. -- 2 Cor 12:9-10
ReplyDeleteI once had a bad day in Taiwan. Kids in my classes drained me. I was tired, emotionally exhausted. I had to run home, grab a bite, then go to a Bible study. I considered cancelling. For some reason, I didn't.
I normally finished the lessons in one or two weeks, but this was the third week -- another disappointment. Had a guest who was visiting, leaving for Canada in less than a week. I felt sorry for her - expecting a Bible study, but getting something less than my best...
Since then, I've forgotten most of the lesson, but the visitor remembers it -- she still has the notes in her Bible. She had some questions about her new found faith. The lesson was right where she was at.
If I had cancelled the class, we wouldn't have met. We kept in touch... She's now my wife.
Right now, she's at another Bible study. I'm hanging out at home with our baby boy.
Even when you don't feel your best, keep doing what you know is right. Because you can never imagine what blessing God has for you, literally around the corner.
Thanks for this story. It is a great one. And I really am okay. I am just trying to wrestle through what I feel every Monday and why. Thanks for your encouragement. I really appreciate it.
ReplyDelete