"whenever you are arrested and brought to trial, don't worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given to you, because it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit.
- Mark 13:10-11
So that doesn't start out encouraging. But the truth is, we all find ourselves in those places. Hard places where we didn't want to go. Forced by circumstances, relationships, even family; we find ourselves in positions where we don't know what to say.
Someone dies. A tragedy hits my life that I didn't see coming. I lost EVERYTHING. She left me. And somehow we are supposed to have these words that speak comfort to us and to others. The Bible is full of words. isn't there anything that can be said to remove the pain or the fear or the emptiness?
I don't know why, but it seems we are in a season within my circle of influence where there is much suffering going on. So much hurt ranging from death to injury to loss of job to divorce. it is all over the map, but they come to me talking about this life issue (whatever it may be) and wanting answers - wanting hope.
I am learning a hard lesson that makes me very small and my God very big. That lesson is: I don't know what to say. So, what do I say when I don't know what to say?
I have a great list of things to not say:
"Just let go and let God!"
"Just be still and know!"
"Just" is never going to be a good way to open a response to someone else's tragedy.
"I know how you feel!"
Truth is, I don't have a clue. Even if I have been there, I don't know how they feel and it is demeaning to their pain to say I do.
"Well, all you need to do is..."
it is never that simple...
So I have found a couple - and truly only a couple - of things that I can say. But these things aren't easy to say and they require my full attention, my full presence.
"I am here."
"I will walk through this with you - no matter what!"
"I am so sorry."
Maybe the power of community isn't found in the words we conjure up. Maybe we shouldn't be worried about words anyway because that is what Jesus says is the Holy Spirit's problem. Maybe the strength, the hope that people are looking for is found in something much deeper and less tangible.
Maybe the power to fight through the tragedy of this life is in knowing that I am not alone. And maybe, my ability to help people weather their tragedy well is directly tied to my ability to be present with someone when these kinds of life situations hit us.
Maybe when I don't know what to say, I should say that I don't know what to say, and then just be silent, but present. and Maybe I can draw strength from that too.
I agree with what you have to say. I seem to meet with people all of the time that are in a tough place and they consistently say I have said just what they needed to hear. The truth is I have said nothing they just needed to know they were not alone. I try to sit and say nothing, it seems like the more I say the less helpful I am being. So I am continuing to learn, Be still (and shut your yapper) and know that I am God.
ReplyDeletethen God does what needs to be done.